A 'beautifully talented' Devon schoolgirl is being mourned after tragically passing away shortly before her 15th birthday. Tifa Wilding, who was adored by her family and all those who knew her, died at her home in Paignton on October 16.
There were no suspicious circumstances. Her devastated mum Vicki - an avid campaigner for children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) - believes improved support for children who have autism with pathological demand avoidance (PDA) could have saved her from unexpectedly taking her own life.
Despite only being 14, Tifa had achieved many great things in her life. She has been described as a 'bright girl' who loved art, anime, animals, the outdoors and nature. Her favourite place was Dartmoor and she loved going on trips with educational group Taleblazers.
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Tifa's mentor at Taleblazers, Rich, was the first person outside of the family to understand and bond with her. He helped her pass her John Muir award and her bronze Duke of Edinburgh award. Her certificate for the latter sadly arrived following her death.
She attended On Track Education, a not-for-profit independent special school with some sites in Devon. Other notable achievements in her life included planting 43 trees in Treacle Valley, in Daccombe. However, her greatest love was spending time with her three younger siblings aged 10, eight and two.
Vicki said: "The bond she had with her youngest sibling was incredible and like a mother and child. Each night he keeps knocking on her bedroom door to say goodnight because he loves giving kisses and hugs to everyone before he goes to bed.
"Tifa was let down her entire life by schools, professionals, paediatricians and social services. The system failed my daughter and, hand on heart, I think she would still be here today if it were not for them."
An online Crowfunder has been set up to help pay for Tifa's funeral - a private service for adults - and also an under-18s celebration of life for her three younger siblings and her friends to say their goodbyes. A former school she went to, Mayfield - Chestnut Centre in Brixham, has generously offered to host the event for free.
The JustGiving fundraiser has been set up by Marni Tait, a friend of Tifa's parents Vicki and Cal. It has a target of £4,500 and has so far raised nearly £4,000.
Any money left over will be donated to the PDA Society - the only specialist PDA charity in the UK. Its goal is to make life better for PDA people and their families.
The fundraiser states: "Tifa was a wonderful daughter, big sister, granddaughter, niece, and my friend, who touched the lives of those around her. She loved drawing; her anime pictures are amazing.
"She was the light of our lives, the centre of Vicki’s life, and such a special and unique person. She was such a bright child."
She continued: "We are all completely broken by Tifa’s sudden death, and Vicki and Cal need urgent help with memorial costs and any extras they need. We want to give Tifa the memorial she deserves to honour her memory and for her much-loved family and friends have somewhere to say our goodbyes.
"And even more tragically she would have turned 15 on November 7, with her funeral being on November 10, so we want to give her a big send-off to celebrate her life as well as say our goodbyes at her funeral."
Overwhelmed by the generosity of people who have donated to the fundraiser so far, Vicki said: "Thank you to everyone who has donated so far. It really touches my heart that Tifa reached so many others. Fly high my angel. You will get the send-off you deserve."
Shatter the Silence
The DevonLive Shatter the Silence campaign aims to encourage anyone struggling to reach out and talk - to either a friend, relative, charity or a professional. Our campaign content will highlight just how important talking is and the difference it can make.
Ultimately, we want to reduce the number of people who die by suicide in Devon. We will highlight where to get help and show how talking has helped people come through difficult times in their lives. We will speak to families who have lost loved ones to look at the lasting impact of suicide and attempt to dismiss the inaccurate belief many people who are struggling manifest that they are a burden on the ones they love. We will look at the devastation caused to those left behind in the hope that even one reader might change their mind if they have considered taking their own life.
We will speak to people who have survived a suicide attempt and have accessed counselling or other mental health services to show that things can get better. We will speak to Samaritans volunteers about their vital work in Devon and how they are on hand 24-7 to listen. And we will offer guidance on what to say to someone who is struggling so people feel more confident to have that conversation.
Do you have a relevant story to share? Email emma.slee@reachplc.com.
WHERE TO GET HELP:
SAMARITANS offers support in a range of ways, including a self-help app, email support or by calling 116 123 for free 24 hours a day
NHS Offers advice on how to access mental health support
TALKWORKS is a free-to-access NHS service offering a variety of treatment and support for adults (aged 18+) living in Devon (excluding Plymouth)
CALM offer a free, confidential helpline 0800 58 58 58 and webchat, 7 hours a day, 7 days a week for anyone who needs to talk about life's problems
HUB OF HOPE is a mental health support database that can signpost you to local support services
ANDY'S MAN CLUB offers men a chance to talk with like-minded people. They have clubs in Devon as well as nationally
KOOTH & QWELL provides free, safe and anonymous online mental wellbeing support, including moderated peer support forums and text-based counselling, to all residents living in Devon (aged 11+)
PETE'S DRAGONS provide free-to-access support to all residents living in Devon who may have been bereaved by suicide at any point in their lives
THE MOORINGS is an emotional support service that provides telephone and face-to-face support via a drop-in service at its bases in Exeter, Barnstaple and Torquay. It is a non-clinical service but provides emotional support, signposting to other services and other general support that is tailored to the people who access it.
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To celebrate Tifa's life, a Wellbeing Garden is being built at the Apricot Centre in Dartington where she enjoyed mentoring support. The garden will include a special sensory path which she would have loved herself.
A spokesperson for the Apricot Centre said: "Tifa enjoyed learning through her body, loving sensory exploration (through her hands, feet and whole body) and sharing this experience with others. She enjoyed movement, dance and exploring the limits of her physical ability.
"She would make up songs and stories with important themes about her life; sometimes they were about wild animals. She had a great sense of humour and loved to make people laugh.
"She had a great capacity for kindness and empathy towards others. She loved making and sharing food. We are very sad to hear of Tifa’s passing."
Vicki told DevonLive how she fought for many years for Tifa to be diagnosed with autism and it took until she was 12 years old. In 2019, she launched a petition to raise awareness and make PDA a specific, diagnosable condition and added to the diagnostic manual. It gained more than 11,000 signatures.
To help Tifa and other SEND children, Vicki even went to university and graduated in 2022 with a degree in psychology and sociology. She was inspired by being unable to get help for Tifa despite 'begging' for it. She also dedicates much of her time to helping others struggling to get an autism diagnosis or are battling through the SEND process.
Vicki said: "I really would like to be the one that changes the lives of SEND children for the better, especially those with PDA autism. Seventy per cent of individuals with it are not in education anymore. I plan to change that.
"My passion to help others has grown and grown and continues to do so. I would now like to do suicide prevention courses."
To donate to the fundraiser, please click here.
